IT’S UNDENIABLY fall now. The afternoons have that sideways light that extends twilight by giving us a premature dusk. This is my favorite time of year at home. I like the cooler breeze and to dress in layers. With all of the change that autumn brings, layers help me feel prepared.
Yesterday I was at the park with an old friend and a new friend, testing the waters of their new relationship. I am still laying an old relationship to rest, while ruminating on two separate letters from previous connections that have been sent to me in the last month. These things take me into the past. I’m also in the future, trying to see ahead what next year will be for me. Will I stay another year in this foreign country or will I go back? Or, will I go somewhere else completely?
No matter how hard I think about it, it still feels like I’m trying to convince myself of one or the other. Nothing feels like the right decision. There are only decisions and their consequences, I keep telling myself. And there it is. I am old and worried in my head, but just next to me is a little boy blowing bubbles for his sister who twirls around in their current, laughing. She dances spontaneously, responding to each moment as it arises like the suds on the air. I let myself get lost in their presence of mind and very soon I am neither back there with my old relationships or further on into next year. I am just here, giggling with a little boy and his sister in a park in South Korea. I am watching the love story of an old friend and a new friend unfold into something new and untold.